wakeboarding with friends

 These 3 are all pix of myself

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My friend S called 10 times in a row. I pretended to be asleep but the phone just kept ringing. I answered hesitantly. He was bugging me about wakeboarding. I got into wakeboarding about 2 summers ago. I really enjoyed it. I am the type of a girl who doesn’t get scared too easily. I find extreme sports fun and exciting. I would love to try sky diving soon. So wakeboarding was a nice surprise. It’s thrilling and adrenalin goes into overdrive. I went every weekend last year. So after being housebound for nearly 7 months, I decided to give into my friends and meet them for a few wakeboarding sessions.

For my agoraphobia, it's not about how far I can travel outside of my safe distance. It's about leaving the house or not leaving the house. I seem to be the “all or nothing” type of a person(yes, definitely). If I am able to go out side of my house for a cup of coffee, then I am able to travel to a whole different country. I don’t have any spatial attachment. I am either alone hiding or I am out there just socializing away.

So after taking some anti- anxiety meds to take the edge off, I got in my car and drove to the meeting spot. I don’t think the lakes here in Korea are no where near clean as in America but I don’t mind. As long as it won’t kill me, I am fine with it. So many people were asking where I had been for the past months, why didn’t I return their calls..etc. I lied and said I had been outside of the country for work(this group of friends don’t know that I have lost my job. I used to go on many international business trips so they are used to me being abroad.) I was self-conscious about wearing my wetsuit since I had gained more than a few pounds from being housebound for months. I still fit in to it which was a nice surprise. I sucked in my belly until I was blue in the face. We rented a boat and my friends showed off their skills. They had gotten much better. They can do so many tricks now. I felt insecure about riding since I hadn’t ridden for a whole year. I pretended I didn’t care and causally grabbed the rope and gave the sign to pull. I felt this butterfly in my stomach. “Don't fall in, don't fall in.” The water was cold but it was manageable. I tried to pull a wake to wake jump and failed. It was freezing!

I hung out with them and lied about how I've been busy with work and I promise to get together more often. I felt so tired from not telling the truth. I was also feeling exhausted from pretending how I’ve been doing well and happy. I felt pathetic. I wanted to go home. I didn’t want to disappoint my friend S since I promised we’d have dinner and talk about his concerns about getting married. I held on a bit longer and made it to dinner. He chatted away about how he did not want to commit and I, known for being the therapist out of the group, listened and conversed about his feelings for his fiancé. I told him if she truly makes him happy, he should marry her but don’t do it for the sake of obligation. I gave the “typical” speech. I felt bad but I didn’t know what to say since I am not too into getting married myself. All in all, it was a good day to break my cycle. I am glad to be back home though.

Pictures on top were taken by my friend,. I look like a boy here. I don't know why but we tend to dress a bit hip hop when we wakeboard.  Don't know why^_^ You can see my failed attempt to pull a wake to wake junmp- I gulped so much water it was gross! My handle position is so high. Anyway, it was nice to get out.  I wonder if I can stay in this streak for a while. I doubt it since I am already feeling exahusted.